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Does a Man Become Insecure if He is Cheating

All of us are a net sum of our experiences. In the case of the cheating man, this is no less a reality. His past experiences give him reason to feel insecure and to fear rejection. As a way of defending against these emotions, he may seek out infidelity as a means for self protection.

The Enemy Within

Indifference usually exists only when there is abundance. As is often the case, a man that is cheating is not indifferent; he knows what he is doing is wrong.

Most people want unconditional love from a relationship, but if a man is insecure he will sabotage his chances of receiving this. He will assume any relationship is purely conditional on his virtue. Not wanting to be rejected, he will undermine the relationship in order to avoid scrutiny and actually push away his loved ones despite needing their reassurance.

Infidelity is one way the chronically insecure can medicate their low self esteem. But infidelity only perpetuates the insecurity leaving the problem unresolved.

Cheating men may have had particular experiences in their childhood that impact their behavior. The mind of a child is resilient. It creates defense mechanisms to handle insecurity. Eventually these defenses are carried into adulthood. On a macro social scale, they are reflected in the values our society holds today through our laws, customs, and belief systems.

Thus, we are not only a net sum of our experiences, but the legacy of those experiences, whether good or bad, lives on.

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The Need for Control

Our level of insecurity in a relationship is vitally dependent on the experiences we had in past relationships. If these experiences have been negative, insecurity will run rampant. Feelings of jealousy or control often arise.

Of course most people are able to comprehend that it is virtually impossible (let alone unhealthy) to control another person. But the cheating man will resort to infidelity in order to deal with his inability to control the relationship to his desired level of satisfaction. Cheating gives a man a certain feeling of control that is otherwise void from his life.

Rejection of any kind is the most common cause of insecurity. Even when engaged in an illicit affair, the cheating man's insecurity survives, and the same fear of rejection is applied to the scarlet woman herself. Men actually become even more insecure when cheating!

Infidelity leads to a vicious and self perpetuating circle of insecurity. A man cheats because of insecurity and then has resulting insecurities that infidelity itself will now become a future cause of rejection. This is why a cheating man may seem confident one minute and reduced to tears the next.

A lack of self esteem is a prerequisite for a man to cheat. He would not find the need to deceive his partner if he indeed held himself in high regard. If he valued himself, he would be able to be honest with his partner and move on if necessary.

Resources:

http://www.blackchat.co.uk/theblackforum/forum3/66.html
http://www.ethoughts.org/insecurity.htm
http://howtomakebetterlove.com/articles/social_coward_by_accident.htm
http://www.500secretsaboutmen.com/2007/08/what-do-men-think-of-insecurity-in-his.html
http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/allmenareliars/archives/2008/02/cheaters.html

 
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