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Why Men Lie About Cheating

Human beings use lie for a variety of reasons, most often for the purpose of self protection. Since humans are social animals, this can be destructive. But moreover, it can be dangerous if people fail in their ability to discern the truth from the lie which they have told.

Lord of the Lies

In My Fair Lady, Dr. Higgins declared that ‘men are so honest, so thoroughly square, eternally noble, historically fair’; why can’t a woman be more like a man?
Oh how the proud have fallen!

Since 1956, men have certainly had to retreat from extolling such virtue, particularly since they have taken lying and transformed into a form of modern art.

The reasons for why men lie are often considered as the result of repressive experiences during their childhood. Many men continue the charade that they are someone they in fact are not, and when the subject of cheating presents itself, well, it’s merely a slight shift in application and suddenly a committed philanderer is born.

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Learning to Lie

The primary reason men lie about cheating is to protect what is, in their view, a precious reputation. Often they are totally unable or unwilling to accept that they have cheated on their partner. Don’t be surprised if this is the case, as people often change their attitudes to justify their own actions. Psychologist Dr. Leon Festinger, calls this cognitive dissonance. It often occurs when a man doesn’t understand the existence of certain boundaries within the relationship.

The selfish demand to ‘have their cake and eat it too’ is another reason why men lie about their unfaithfulness. When children are involved, men will strive at all costs to retain the image of a wholesome role model for their kids. They will even lie if in order to preserve that role.

As soon as a man’s self esteem is threatened, he immediately begins to lie at higher levels. While some lies are healthy in that they assist self protection and the protection of others, others are harmful as they erode the very fabric of our society which is built on trust and communal living.

Sometimes, in the case of infidelity that has come to the knowledge of others, the man may realize that others would rather ignore it than face the truth. The man can interpret this as implied approval to continue cheating. When the lie continues for some time, it may then evolve into a bigger fabrication that eventually takes on a life of its own.

In order to deal with the situation before it gets uncontrollable, it is important to remain alert for certain verbal and non verbal signs that your partner is lying. His speech may falter, or he may even suddenly share his vehement intolerance for lying. Being unable to make eye contact or crossing his arms when speaking, he is most likely suffering from anxiety which is a common symptom of lying.



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