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Why Men Lie About Cheating
Human beings use lie for a variety of reasons, most often for
the purpose of self protection. Since humans are social animals, this can be destructive. But moreover, it can be dangerous if people
fail in their ability to discern the truth from the lie which they
Lord of the Lies
In My Fair Lady, Dr. Higgins declared that ‘men are so honest,
so thoroughly square, eternally noble, historically fair’;
why can’t a woman be more like a man?
Oh how the proud have fallen!
Since 1956, men have certainly had to retreat from extolling such
virtue, particularly since they have taken lying and transformed
into a form of modern art.
The reasons for why men lie are often considered as the result of repressive
experiences during their childhood. Many men continue the charade that
they are someone they in fact are not, and when the subject of
cheating presents itself, well, it’s merely a slight shift
in application and suddenly a committed philanderer is born.
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Learning to Lie
The primary reason men lie about cheating is to protect what is, in their view, a
precious reputation. Often they are totally
unable or unwilling to accept that they have cheated on their partner.
Don’t be surprised if this is the case, as people often change
their attitudes to justify their own actions. Psychologist Dr. Leon Festinger,
calls this cognitive dissonance. It often occurs
when a man doesn’t understand the existence of certain boundaries
within the relationship.
The selfish demand to ‘have their cake and eat it too’ is another reason why men lie
about their unfaithfulness. When children are involved, men will strive at all costs to
retain the image of a wholesome role model for their kids. They will even
lie if in order to preserve that role.
As soon as a man’s self esteem is threatened, he immediately
begins to lie at higher levels. While some lies are healthy
in that they assist self protection and the protection of others,
others are harmful as they erode the very fabric of our society
which is built on trust and communal living.
Sometimes, in the case of infidelity that has come to the knowledge
of others, the man may realize that others would rather ignore it than face the truth.
The man can interpret this as implied approval to continue cheating. When the lie continues for some time, it may then evolve
into a bigger fabrication that eventually takes on a life of its
In order to deal with the situation before it gets uncontrollable,
it is important to remain alert for certain verbal and non verbal
signs that your partner is lying.
His speech may falter, or he may even suddenly share his vehement
intolerance for lying. Being unable to make eye contact or crossing
his arms when speaking, he is most likely suffering from anxiety
which is a common symptom of lying.